Esther Perel
Hosted by Esther Perel
A psychotherapist records live, anonymous therapy sessions, revealing the universal patterns of conflict and connection in modern relationships.
This is not a typical interview show, but a podcast of recorded, one-time therapy sessions with anonymous guests. Host Esther Perel counsels couples, individuals, or family members, using their specific, raw conflicts to illustrate universal relational themes. Each session is a deep dive into topics like trauma, infidelity, desire, and autonomy, framed by Perel's opening monologue and closing reflections.
“Unlike any other podcast, "Where Should We Begin?" provides a rare, intimate look into actual therapy sessions. Perel's unique ability to quickly diagnose complex psychodynamics and offer profound, actionable insights in a single, condensed session is the show's standout feature.”
Who hosts this show
Esther Perel is a Belgian psychotherapist, podcaster, and New York Times bestselling author, recognized as one of today’s most insightful voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she runs a therapy practice in New York City and consults for Fortune 500 companies. Her bestselling books, "Mating in Captivity" and "The State of Affairs," are translated into over 30 languages, and her celebrated TED talks have garnered tens of millions of views.
Credentials & credits
- Psychotherapist
- New York Times Bestselling Author
- Author of "Mating in Captivity"
- Author of "The State of Affairs"
- TED Speaker
- Fortune 500 Consultant
Other ventures
- Entre Nous with Esther Perel (Substack)
- Where Should We Begin? - A Game of Stories
- Sessions Live (live events)
- Online Courses (e.g., Turning Conflict Into Connection)
- MasterClass Instructor
- An Evening with Esther Perel (Live Tour)
What kind of podcast
- Country
- United States
- Region
- usa
When new episodes drop
- 01Esther Perel's Games and Courses 20% off until July 6Jun 26, 2026 · 19s
- 02A Preview of My Supervision Panel from Sessions LiveJun 24, 2026 · 25s
- 0320 Years Later, Esther Perel Revisits Mating in Captivity I Where Should We Begin?Jun 22, 2026 · 39 min
- 04
- 05
- 06Relationship Experts Share the Impact of Esther Perel's Mating in CaptivityJun 3, 2026 · 8 min
- 07
- 08
Notable episodes
- 01In This Relationship What Is "I" and What is "We"?
A classic session where Perel helps a gay couple understand how their individual childhood traumas are creating a conflict between autonomy and togetherness.
- 02Are You Abandoning Me or Am I Suffocating You?
A powerful session with identical twin brothers, exploring how their lifelong pursuer-distancer dynamic is rooted in their premature birth and early medical history.
- 0320 Years Later, Esther Perel Revisits Mating in Captivity
A unique live episode where Perel is interviewed about her own work, offering meta-commentary on the podcast's purpose and the evolution of her ideas on desire.
What you'll be asked on this show
As a therapist, not an interviewer, Perel's style is diagnostic and interpretive. She often opens with broad, scene-setting questions like "How did we find ourselves here?" to allow the guests' narrative to unfold naturally. She listens intently for non-verbal cues and emotional shifts, probing deeper with questions like, "What did you just see or remember?" A signature move is to ask for permission before offering a direct psychoanalytic interpretation ("Can I be really psychological with you?"), connecting present behavior to past trauma. She frequently reframes guests' language with precise psychological terms and may ask them to switch to their native tongue to access more visceral emotional memories.
The show is not an interview format; it consists of recorded, one-time therapy sessions with anonymous guests, often framed by Perel's thematic monologue. A newer format, "Esther Callings," features shorter, interventional phone calls. Perel's approach is psychodynamic, connecting present conflicts to past experiences and family history.
Questions Esther Perel keeps coming back to
11 cataloguedIf you're going on this show as a guest, expect some version of each of these. Each note explains when Esther Perel reaches for it.
origin
4- Q.01
“How did we find ourselves here?”
A common opening question to understand the guests' motivation for seeking a session.
- Q.02
“Has this always been the model, or is this more recent?”
She asks this to trace the history of a specific conflict pattern the guests have described.
- Q.03
“Can you give me some background on your family?”
An early question used to establish the family system and origins of learned behaviors.
- Q.04
“Who had the idea to work on this with me?”
This helps clarify the immediate motivation and dynamic behind seeking help.
process
4- Q.01
“Is there a connection between [a past event] and [the present dynamic]?”
This is her core psychodynamic technique, testing a hypothesis that links childhood experience to current conflict.
- Q.02
“Can I be really psychological with you for a moment?”
Her signature way of asking for permission before delivering a direct, often challenging, psychoanalytic interpretation.
- Q.03
“Can you tell me in [your native language]?”
She asks guests to switch to their mother tongue to access more visceral, emotionally accurate memories.
- Q.04
“Describe the [conflict]. Who does what?”
A technique to move from abstract complaints to concrete, specific examples of the dynamic in action.
personal
2- Q.01
“What did you just see or remember?”
Perel asks this when she observes a guest having a non-verbal emotional reaction, like a pause or a pained expression.
- Q.02
“And for you, those are feelings of what?”
She uses this to push guests beyond vague descriptions to name their specific emotions.
mindset
1- Q.01
“How do you make sense of [an internal contradiction]?”
This question surfaces a guest's cognitive dissonance, such as wanting to please a parent they resent.
Signature segments
- · Recorded one-time therapy session format
- · Thematic opening monologue
- · Anonymous guests
- · "Esther Callings" (shorter phone call sessions)
- · Use of the phrase "Where Should We Begin?"
Topics covered repeatedly
Who gets booked here
Guests are anonymous individuals, couples, or family members who apply to have a single, recorded therapy session with Perel to address a specific, often long-standing, relational conflict.
- Mary Alice Milleron 20 Years Later, Esther Perel Revisits Mating in Captivity I Where Should We Begin?
- Kashmir Hillon Love in the Time of AI with Kashmir Hill | Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
- Anonymous Guests
Where to find this show
Audience & reach
The podcast primarily promotes Esther Perel's own ecosystem of products, including her books, storytelling card games, online courses, live events, and her Substack community, "Entre Nous."
Subscriber and view counts are pulled live from YouTube and re-verified on a 30-day cycle. Listener estimates for the RSS feed aren't published here unless they're host-verified.
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People also ask
- What is Esther Perel's real name?
- Her name is Esther Perel.
- What is the format of "Where Should We Begin?"
- The primary format is a recorded, one-time therapy session with anonymous guests (individuals, couples, or families) to work through a specific issue.
- Is the podcast still running?
- Yes, new episodes are released weekly on Mondays.
- How can I be a guest on the show?
- The official podcast website has an application link for those interested in being a guest. The process involves submitting a form and may include several interviews with producers.
- Where can I listen to the podcast?
- The podcast is available on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and other major podcast platforms. Ad-free episodes and bonus content are available for paid subscribers on her Substack, "Entre Nous".
- What are 'Esther Callings'?
- This is a newer, shorter format consisting of a one-time, 45-60 minute interventional phone call with Esther, also edited for clarity and anonymity.
Built from the show's public RSS feed, YouTube, the host's own websites, and the cited sources below. Computed and AI-extracted fields are labelled. Facts only — no private info, no fabrication, no transcripts republished.
Sources & how this page was built
This page is AI-assisted, grounded in the public sources cited below, and host-verifiable. We publish facts only; we do not republish transcripts. If anything here is wrong, the host can claim and correct the page above.Model: gemini-2.5-pro · high confidence
- [01]Esther Perel - Your Guide to Relational Intelligenceestherperel.com
- [02]Podcasts | Esther Perelestherperel.com
- [03]Esther Perel - Wikipediaen.wikipedia.org
- [04]Entre Nous with Esther Perel | Substackestherperel.substack.com
- [05]Esther Perel's Acclaimed Books Could Drastically Alter Your View of Lovepsypost.org
- [06]Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel - Apple Podcastspodcasts.apple.com
- [07]Reddit: I was a guest on "Where Should We Begin?"reddit.com
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